It’s not unheard of for married people to occasionally think about ending their relationship. If you feel there is no chance for improvement or you are genuinely miserable, it may be time to move forward with a divorce.
Even if you are sure you want a divorce, it can be terrifying to raise the subject with your spouse. With preparation, you can have a productive conversation about what is often an unpleasant issue. Here are some tips to help you bring up divorce with your spouse.
You may have mixed feelings about ending your relationship because you still care about your spouse, even if you no longer want to be married. If you’ve already discussed problems with each other or in therapy, you will likely feel more confident that you’re making the best choice for you.
Even with that confidence, consider beforehand how your spouse will react, so you can prepare for a range of emotions including tears, anger, a long conversation, or even no response. You know your spouse best, so go over scenarios in your head or even discuss them with someone you trust who will help you prepare what to say.
Do Your Research
Although you don’t need to be ready to sign paperwork, it is helpful to have an idea of what to expect during and after the divorce process. The process can include reviewing information about common issues, similar to the ones that local law firm DeShon Laraye Pullen PLC says you’ll need to know about:
- Division of marital property and assets
- Division of debts
- Legal decision-making and parenting time
- Child support
- Spousal support
“The unique issues in each divorce case will depend on the length of the marriage, the property you own, whether you have children, and other factors,” DeShon Laraye Pullen says.
You do not have to resolve these issues the first time you bring up divorce, but you should be aware that these discussions are coming.
Choose the Setting
Although discussing a divorce can lead to a fight regardless of the setting, it may go smoother if you talk somewhere you both feel calm.
“You might want to have a meal prepared and a space you feel comfortable in before you speak to your partner,” Support and Solutions for Women says. “Your talk with your spouse might be long and involved, or it might be short and simpler than you think — either way, choosing a space where you feel safe is crucial.”
A safe place implies avoiding public places, such as restaurants, where it’s difficult to speak privately. Additionally, if you have children, ensure they are not within earshot and preferably not in the same location.
Follow a Script
You will need to be honest and direct with your spouse, so as not to give false hope for a reconciliation. To ensure you’re understood, consider the most important points you want to make.
“Plan out what you have to say ahead of time so you are prepared, and write it down if you must,” Men’s Divorce says.
Additionally, the tone of the conversation should be logical and considerate of both your needs. Focus on what you want or need and avoid assigning guilt about why the marriage is ending.
Hire a Lawyer
Even the most harmonious of divorces will benefit from having a divorce lawyer guide you through the process.
DeShon Laraye Pullen PLC encourages cooperation to resolve divorce issues economically and efficiently and is also well-equipped to represent you in an adversarial divorce case. For more information and to schedule an initial consultation, visit DeShonPullenLaw.com.